The dating game can be pretty scary. Meeting new people is not always easy, particularly if you lead a busy life. And almost everyone has heard a horror story about a blind date that's gone badly wrong.

If only there was a way to make dating easy, a community that gave you more control over the people you met and put the fun back into the whole courtship process.

Well, there's already such a thing and thousands of singles are enjoying its benefits. It's called online dating and, while there is still no way to predict what will light a spark between two people, dating websites provide the perfect forum to introduce yourself to a huge number of people seeking the same things as you: friendship, company and ... who knows?

What's more, by creating a profile and using the search and compatibility tests that all dating sites offer, there's a good chance your first date won't leave you wishing you had stayed in and washed your hair instead.

Setting the singles' scene
Online dating is no longer a last resort for the lonely-hearted, and has become a part of everyday life for many people, as Samantha Bedford, managing director of the UK's Match.com, will testify.

"The singles scene has really taken off in the past 18 months," she said. "People hear characters on programmes such as Sex and the City talking about it. For a lot of women, online dating is just another way of meeting people."

Bedford believes the reason online dating has become so popular is simply that people are more comfortable with the idea of using the internet.

"Many of us do some of our banking or shopping online, and single people have realised that internet dating can help you to meet people you simply wouldn't meet, no matter how many bars or parties you go to," she explained.

Some sites offer more than just online interaction by organising social events in the real world so that members can meet in a friendly atmosphere. Dating Direct.com runs four such singles parties every month, at venues around the country.

"As well as the standard drinks and buffet evenings, we have tried speed dating and salsa dancing parties," said managing director Darren Richards.

Before you get to put on your party best, however, you will need to choose and sign up to one or more dating services, create an advertisement - usually called a profile - and work out a strategy for browsing through the millions of potential partners already online.

Keeping your details safe
If you're put off online dating because you're worried about placing your personal details on a website, there's no need. All the sites we spoke to carefully protect the identity of their members.

Bedford explained that the site puts you in control at every step of the way. "The service is completely anonymous. No other member ever sees your email address. To get in touch, members have to send their message to your Match address, which our system automatically forwards to the email address you sign up with," she said.

Additionally, should one of the other members come on a little strong or you simply don't want to stay in contact with them, all the sites we have compared here provide safeguards to block contact with specific members with a single click of your mouse.

Some other sites go further and insist that all communication takes place through the website until people are ready to meet, and they ask that members don't put their real contact details in the text of their profile. This gives people an incentive to remain as paying members but it makes sense to keep your details to yourself.

How dating sites work
Every site has its own slightly different take on the dating game but most work on the same principle: you sign up by entering a few personal details, such as a name and email address, and are asked to create a profile for other members to see. At this stage, you usually won't be required to pay a subscription fee but you will be able to browse through the profiles of other members.

Your profile and any pictures you have submitted will then be checked to make sure they are appropriate. This takes anything between a few hours and a couple of days. DatingDirect.com, for example, rejects about 10 per cent of the profiles it receives.

"If we don't feel members are being serious or if there's anything smutty in their pictures, they get binned," said Richards. Once you have been successfully approved, however, you're ready to start the search in earnest and begin flirting with other members.

It takes about 15 minutes to set up a free profile. You'll be asked to type in some contact details, so that messages and other information can be sent to you. Then you will be asked some basic questions about where you live and whether you're looking for friends or a relationship.

Next you start to put together the bones of your profile, such as details about your appearance and interests. This is usually done by answering multiple-choice questions and you can go into as much or as little detail as you feel comfortable with.

Finally, you'll be asked to write a few notes about yourself. This is the part of internet dating that people find the most difficult but it's well worth making the effort.

Stand out from the crowd
The good news is that most sites offer pages of advice on how to write a profile that stands out from the crowd. Bedford explaind that the golden rule is to be as honest as you would expect other people to be.

"There's no point pretending to be someone you're not," she said, adding that it helps if you can ask a friend to lend a hand. "Some profiles seem to follow a pattern, with people saying they're outgoing, like to socialise and are looking for someone special. Well, who isn't?

"Be more specific. Ask your best friend to describe the things they like about you. Have a chat about the kind of person you would like to meet and then think about what would make them special. If other members see a bit of themselves in your description, it's more likely to inspire them to contact you."

Remember that if you were talking to someone in a social setting you would probably be talking about some of your interests, so be specific about those too.

"It's all very well saying you like to read, but far more interesting if you talk about what kind of books you like. Tell people about the last song, concert or film you really enjoyed and why it was special to you," said Bedford.

Just browsing
There are millions of profiles on dating websites, so you need to whittle down the list. The simplest way to do that is using search filters. We'll use Friends Reunited Dating as an example, as it employs a straightforward search tool.

You can opt for a quick or advanced search, and the difference is the number of filters you can apply. A quick search enables you to specify the basics: whether you are looking for a man or woman, friendship or romance, and the rough geographic area. You can also ask to see only profiles that include a picture, or those that are online at the same time as you.

Once you hit the enter button a list of profiles will appear, and with the basic search option there will be lots of them. You can save surfing time by using the advanced search. Most sites let you save your chosen filters so you can easily run the same search again.

You apply filters by ticking boxes on the advanced search page. Every site has its own range of filters but you will always be able to sort people by age, height, build, and lifestyle choices, such as whether they drink or smoke.

You will recognise the filter questions from the ones you were asked to answer when filling out your profile, and that's why it helps to be as detailed as possible. When you hit the search button here, the dating site will check the traits you have specified against the answers other members gave in their profiles, and return a list, with the most compatible matches at the top.

True stories
Going into detail can make a difference, as 26-year-old Amy Crawl discovered. Amy says she received plenty of interesting emails from Match.com users but "couldn't detect the 'wow factor' in any of them". So she used the advanced search.

Every facet that Amy wanted in a man was entered, from body type and hair colour to her dream location, the Lake District. The search found just one profile: David Buchan. Amy sent him a 'virtual wink', a quick and easy way of letting someone know that you're interested in getting to know them.

David couldn't believe how much they had in common and sent her a chatty email. The two spent several weeks chatting to each other using the site's instant messaging tool before meeting and, after a summer of dating, Amy has now moved to Kendal, half a mile from David's house.

"I was sceptical about internet dating before I tried it but Match.com's search for my ideal man literally delivered just that," said Amy. "We just can't believe what a scary amount we have in common and, while we're not rushing into anything, we believe we're meant to be together."

Match.com has taken the idea of advanced searches further with its free personality testing. This involves clicking on your preferred answer to a number of statements as they appear and disappear on the screen.

At the end of the test, you are given a report detailing what the test revealed about you and your attitudes to other people and relationships. While you'll probably get some insights, it's best not to take it too seriously. You can then choose to have your results compared with other members and potential personality matches emailed to you.

Love letters
You could spend an eternity browsing through profiles for the perfect partner, but on dating sites, as in life, you don't get to know somebody until you start talking to them. This is normally the point at which you'll be asked to subscribe to a service, with most sites offering a choice of payment plans and options.

Some sites offer payment plans that re-bill your credit card automatically so, if you're not comfortable with this, check the terms and conditions or contact customer services before signing up. Some have the option to pay by cheque.

Catching somebody's eye couldn't be easier online and most people start off like Amy Crawl did, with a virtual wink. Most sites offer these and they are the easiest way to get the ball rolling.

A virtual wink, also called a 'quick hello' or an 'e-kiss', is a short message that can be sent to a member with one mouse click. The message is usually something like "I'd like to get to know you better!" and arrives in the other member's email with a link to your profile.

If you decide to stay in touch, there are two options. As we found earlier, email allows you to keep your anonymity but if you prefer to chat online, most sites provide an instant messaging tool. A quick note on etiquette: if someone has taken the trouble to contact you, and especially if they have written a personal email, take the time to respond, even if you're not interested.

You might want to prepare a stock reply to use, something that you can paste in to emails to politely say "Thanks for taking the time to write to me but I don't think our profiles match."

Meeting your match
After building a profile and finding a potentially ideal partner, meeting should be a doddle in comparison. Don't worry about nerves; it wouldn't be exciting if you didn't have a few butterflies in your tummy. Providing you use a bit of common sense and follow some simple guidelines (see Staying Safe below), there's nothing to worry about.

We have looked at only a small selection of sites and there are plenty more to choose from (see Further dating sites below).

If you're looking to inject some romance into your life, online dating is worth a try. As Dating Direct's Richards says: "Everyone I know who has tried it has been pleasantly surprised. All the feedback we get starts with 'I was dubious at first but ...'. You only find out by trying and if it's not for you, you can erase your entire profile with a single click."

Strike a pose
Your photograph is the most important part of your profile. It's the first thing other members will see, so Match.com's Bedford has a few hints to help you make the right impression.

"Our stats show people are 14 times more likely to look at a profile if you have a picture. It may sound obvious, but get a good-quality photo. Dark pictures or those taken from a distance make it harder for people to see the real you," she said.

"Use a picture of you on your own, as group pictures can make it difficult to identify who you are. Similarly, avoid photos when you have cut someone out of the picture and an arm can be seen draped around your shoulders. It could give the impression that an ex has been unceremoniously snipped off.

"Avoid wearing sunglasses or caps and remember that, while it may seem a great idea to put up a gorgeous picture of you taken five years ago, you are setting the expectation that this is what you look like now. If you have changed you may find that, no matter how much your personality shines through, you may not get a second date."

STAYING SAFE

• Never give your home address, email address or telephone number to a stranger
• Always arrange to meet in a very public place such as a pub or restaurant. Never invite a stranger to your home
• Always tell someone else where you are going and approximately what time you will be back
• Make sure you have a plan to get home from the date
• Take a mobile phone and ask a friend to call you shortly after the date has started. If things aren't going as well as you hoped, you could tell a white lie to make your escape
• Above all, use your common sense: if you are unsure about meeting someone then don't. Your instincts are usually right.

FURTHER DATING SITES

Meetic
www.meetic.co.uk
UK and European site with lots of interactive features.

Christian Connection
www.christianconnection.co.uk
Friendship and matchmaking for Christians of all denominations.

Love@Lycos UK
love.lycos.co.uk
Free site that offers online dating and social events.

Gaydar
www.gaydar.co.uk
The UK's most successful dating site for gay men and lesbians.

Two Muslims
www.twomuslims.co.uk
Dating for the Muslim community.

Jewish Singles
www.jdate.co.uk
Parties and matchmaking for Jewish singles.

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